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Whose fault is it when an affair happens?

Updated: Sep 15, 2023


When we hear of affairs happening, we usually blame the cheater or the cheated on depending on who we deem as the victim. We may blame the cheater for not staying faithful and not sticking to their vows, and blame the cheated on for being the cause of why their partner turned elsewhere.


No one is to blame when affairs happen

People usually get married with the intention of it lasting the rest of their lives. And certainly whenever we hear of an affair happening we usually starting finding who the “culprit” is and start assigning blame. Whether it be blaming the third party for interfering in a marriage, the adulterer for sleeping with someone else, or wonder what their partner had done to drive them into someone else’s arms, seeking solace elsewhere so to speak.


The reality is when people have married someone who is incompatible with them, the void between them can be keenly felt, the extent of which and when they start feeling it depends on how important that area is. What they feel is lacking from their partner can result from any multitude of things:

· not feeling appreciated;

· not feeling supported by their partner;

· feeling alone as their partner doesn’t share the same goals and aspirations; and

· their partner not understanding them.


It is human nature that when our needs are not met, whether they’re emotional or sexual needs, then the hunger for it means we start looking for it elsewhere either consciously or unconsciously. This is the case when people are unhappy in their relationships and feel alone, they seek comfort elsewhere. This can be through finding their own group of friends or social life.


Then if they happen to meet someone else that can give them what they are lacking in their own marriage, then it’s only human nature to take and accept what they crave, leading to an affair.

It is important not to assign blame as it is no one’s fault when this happens: not the cheater for being selfish nor the one being cheated on for not being a better partner. They just did not meet each other’s needs as they were not compatible and therefore were not meant for each other to begin with.


However, if it was not a matter of the cheater being unhappy at home, but down to their inability to stay monogamous, then that is a sign that marriage itself is unsuitable for that person, or they need to pair up with someone else with whom they’re like minded on this issue.



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